


Ease My Mind

by leivol6



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anal Sex, Apple Juice, Bottom Harry Potter, Christmas, Domestic Fluff, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Kid Fic, Letters, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-War, References to Depression, Rimming, Seriously Fluffy, Sharing a Bed, Top Severus Snape, harry potter is a good dad, tried to make this sad but couldnt, yup consexual sex between two adults
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 15:13:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28620108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leivol6/pseuds/leivol6
Summary: Harry potter is sad and his daughter notices no matter how well he thinks he's hiding it. She doesn't know what to do to help her Dad until one day while playing in his study, she finds a stack of letters addressed to a Severus Snape but were never sent. She reads them and thinks that this person can help her Dad so she writes her own letter asking for the man's help. She sends it.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Ron Weasley, Harry Potter/Severus Snape, Hermione Granger/Ginny Weasley
Comments: 24
Kudos: 392
Collections: Read





	1. Calliope

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Snarry fic. I've been obsessed with reading them and wanted to give writing one a shot. It wasn't supposed to be this long but here we are.
> 
> Some of the speech might sound Americanized bc I'm American and honestly I tried. Snape is kind of super laid back, also spent time in France.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!

_September 16, 2004_

_Dear Professor Snape,_

_My name is Calliope Sirius Potter and I am six years old. Our house-elf Lissy is helping me write this letter. She's charming the quill to say whatever I want. It's so cool._

_You don't know me and I don't know you but I think you are the only person who can help me and my Daddy. My Daddy is Harry potter and I think you know him because he has a bunch of letters with your name on them. I can't read very well yet even though I started primary school last year but I understood some of the words and I saw your name in every letter._

_Are you guys friends? Are you my Uncle like Uncle Ron and Uncle George? I've never met you before but Daddy seems to really like you. I love my Daddy. He's the best Dad in the world. He showed me how to ride a broom even though I have to stay close to the ground and ride with him. It's still so fun. I want to be a quidditch star like my Aunt Ginny. Daddy says I can. He says I can be anything I want._

_I love him very much, but he's sad. He doesn't let me know he's sad. He always smiles and laughs with me and Teddy. That's my cousin. He can make his hair turn any color and it's the coolest. We have tickling matches too and Daddy's always laughing during tickling matches, but at night when I can't sleep, I hear noises from his room, and he screams or cries really really loud. I asked him about it once but he said he was just having a bad dream._

_He's not happy like I am or like Uncle Ron and Aunt Mione are but he says nothing is wrong._

_I want to make Daddy happy. I want him to be always happy, not just when I'm around. He's the person I love the mostest in the world. I don't know what to do. Maybe you can talk to him or maybe he needs a friend around. I know my aunts and uncles are always busy and my Dad even watches my cousins sometimes because of how busy they are._

_Maybe you're not busy. Lissy will put our address at the end of the letter if you want to come over sometime. Daddy works at home so he's always here and I go to school only four days a week._

_Daddy doesn't want strangers to know where we live so you have to keep it a secret. I hope I'll meet you soon and that daddy will see you again. Have a great great day. Oh, wait it's nighttime already. Is it time for dinner yet Lissy? Don't write that. Okay, stop now Lissy, please. Thank you. Sign my name, please._

_Calliope Sirius Potter_

Severus read the letter again. And again. And again. Each time he found something new to ponder on. Harry Potter had a daughter and his daughter just wrote to him. Severus carefully sat the letter down on the small coffee table in front of him and picked up his now cold tea.

Another cold day at Spinner's Ends only being comforted by the warmth of his tea, taken with too much milk and not enough sugar. He moved to the window and took a seat on the nearest chair. 

The grounds of Spinner's End were completely dry and deserted. As much as Severus tried making the house a home after spending four years in France, it was no use. 

Sometimes he thinks he should've sold it already and moved back to France. The weather in England matched his mood all too often and that was too dangerous. Especially on a day like this.

Severus would be lying if he said he hadn't thought about the name Harry Potter at least a few times a week, if not daily, since the war ended. He contemplated sending Potter a letter to thank him but what exactly would it say? "Sorry for lying to you and tormenting you for seven years. And thanks for saving my life when I didn't want or deserved to be saved"?

So, he decided to put the past where it belonged, in the past. Once He found out he was pardoned for all crimes and didn't have to go to Azkaban, he moved to France as soon as he left the hospital. 

He stayed there for four years, using most of what he had saved from his days at Hogwarts, and finally decided to come back a year ago when his mother passed away leaving a broken-down house he couldn't even call home. 

Why him? Why today? Why Harry bloody Potter. 

Severus had never felt obligated to do anything he didn't want to, but at that moment, after reading the letter for what seemed like the hundredth time, he felt obligated, if not compelled, to help Potter. He knew the letter was genuine after seeing the Potter crest stamp. 

And that's how Severus found himself on Potter's doorstep in a muggle neighbourhood two days after the letter was sent to him.

He decided to go for muggle clothes seeing as he can't be seen in wizarding robes in broad daylight around muggles unless he wanted people to raise questions. He wore black trousers, a blue dress shirt, and a coat that reached his knee. His hair was pulled into a bun away from his face. 

He was ashamed to admit he tried to make himself look somewhat presentable. 

He looked around the neighbourhood and saw that there was no one outside apart from him. It was quiet and borderline eerie. Potter's two-story house seemed visibly isolated from the rest of the houses. His house seemed big enough for more than two people. Maybe he was married. 

With light blue paint and a white door, a black muggle car was parked in the driveway and a flowerbed sat near the small narrow porch. It looked like a good house. Definitely twenty times better than his own.

He took a deep breath and finally allowed himself to knock twice before shoving his hands in his coat pockets. He started counting, reaching seventeen seconds before he heard a voice that was no doubt Potter's voice. 

"One second, I'm coming!" He didn't have the wrong house. Part of him was honestly hoping he did.

The door swung open in a force that had Severus unconsciously moving back a step or two. And there he was. It's been six years since he saw Harry Potter and time had been kind to him indeed. 

His hair was still as wild and unruly as ever, his skin tanner than ever, he grew an inch or two and developed muscles. He wore a plain grey tee with what looked like matching grey sweatpants. His glasses perched on his nose shielding his wide green eyes. 

Severus let him speak first. 

"Bloody hell. Professor? How- why? Sorry, where are my manners?" He reached out his hand for Severus to shake. "Hi, hello. What brought you here?"

Severus shook the hand slowly before dropping it and retreating his own hands into his pockets once again. "Still as eloquent as ever Potter," His voice remained its usual monotone self.

"Sorry, please do come in," Potter stepped aside and opened the door wider for Severus to enter. The door closed behind him and Potter was once again standing in front of him. "Sorry the house is a mess, every time Lissy picks up a toy, another one shows up somewhere in the house. May I take your coat?" He said, bending down to pick up what looked like a blue stuffed bunny off the floor. 

"No need to apologize. And no I'm fine," Severus finally spoke up. "It was rather rude of me to show up unannounced but I do have a matter to discuss with you."

Potter looked at him for a few seconds before saying, "We haven't seen each other in six years professor, what matter could you and I possibly have to discuss?"

"Maybe if we sit down," Severus said.

Potter nodded and asked him to follow him into what looked like a kitchen. The house seemed clean apart from the odd toys and stuffed animals lying around. It was surely a _home_ and looked thoroughly lived in. As if a child lived there. Potter was really a parent.

"Lissy!" Potter called out an elf popped up into the kitchen. "Lissy is our house-elf," He said to Severus. "Lissy I have a guest so could you please make sure Callie has a bath and when she's done, she should start working on her homework. Tell her I'll be in to help her soon,"

"Yes Master Harry," The elf bowed to Potter, then Severus before disappearing with a pop. 

"Sorry about that. Would you like tea? Water?" Potter said pulling out a chair for Severus and then himself. 

Severus nodded, "Water is fine. Thank you,"

Potter walked to the muggle fridge and grabbed two water bottles. He handed one to Severus and took a sip of his own. "As thrilled as I am that you turned up in my home after six years out of nowhere, I have to ask how exactly did you find me?" 

Severus couldn't help but notice that Potter's eye bags were far more prominent in this lighting. He wasn't getting enough sleep. Severus didn't comment on that but instead pulled out the letter he received two days prior from his pockets. He placed the letter on the table and nudged Potter to open it.

"What's this?" Potter asked as he took the letter in his hands.

"Open it," Severus said. He watched potters face while he opens the letter and the look of surprise on his face was enough to convince Severus that he truly had no idea. 

"Callie sent this?"

Severus shifted in his chair before answering, "Callie I'm assuming is Calliope?" Potter nodded. "Yes. Two days ago it arrived at Spinners End and I decided to come over to make sure it was.. authentic."

"I'm not sad," Potter simply stated after reading the letter and folding it back up.

"Never implied that you were." 

"I'm a good Dad."

"Never implied that you weren't."

Potter sighed and ran a hand through his face before resting it on his palm looking at Severus. He felt a bit uneasy being under Potters gaze for so long but Severus remained quiet. After a few minutes that felt like hours, he spoke up again.

"It's just that sometimes, it gets too much you know?" Rhetorical question of course. "I get sad sometimes and I mean who doesn't? I get sad but I never let her see me like that. Ever."

Severus thought about what to say before he said it, "Where is her mother if you don't mind me asking? In the letter, she doesn't speak of her mother,"

Potter sat up and said, "I don't know honestly. After the war was over, I locked myself at Grimmauld place for two months without leaving, and one day out of the blue I hear a baby crying on my doorstep with the note: _Her name is Calliope, please look after her. I'm dying_ ,"

"And you took her in?"

"Well, I took her to St Mungo's first to find out if it wasn't someone playing a sick cruel joke on me. I found out she was in fact a real baby. A real and healthy baby with no parents. I kept her."

Severud couldn't help himself when he said, "Ever the noble hero, Potter."

A look of hurt flashed crossed Potter's face, "I didn't take her in to be a hero, I took her in because I know what it's like to grow up without parents." 

"Of course, my apologies," Snape cleared his throat before taking a sip of his water. At times like this, he wishes he could use Legilimency but he would never violate Potter like that. "It's just you and her then?"

Potter nodded, "And Lissy, she was a gift from Andromeda. Of course, I pay her fair wages."

"You don't have to discuss the way you're treating your House Elf to me, Potter."

"Sorry," Potter blushed and cleared his throat. "I'm sorry you had to come here for nothing. I'm sure you're a very busy man. I apologize."

"She wants me to help you."

Potter scoffed. "I'm fine. She's worried for nothing." 

Lies. Severus recognized the signs because he himself was like that for years after the war. The nightmares, the feelings of despair, wishing you had died every day you open your eyes. Add the stresses of parenthood from a young age to that, you get a walking zombie, like Potter.

"Is she?" Severus pressed. "Worried for nothing I mean. The dark circles under your eyes tell everything you're trying to hide. When was the last time you slept through the night?"

"I sleep just fine, thank you."

"She wants me to help you and I think you need help."

"Are you a mind healer now?" Potter asked with so much bitterness in his voice. Severus couldn't blame him. He would be bitter too had he been on the other side of that conversation. 

"I'm not, but I know a great one."

"You think you're the first to tell, no, _force_ me to see a mind healer? You don't know me Professor and what I am is fine. I'm sorry my daughter told you otherwise and I'm sorry your time was wasted but I think it's time you leave." 

Potters voice broke his train of thought when he said, "No Callie, it's not Teddy or Granny it's a.. friend," The little girl stopped in front of them down the stairs. Severus was undoubtedly uncomfortable, not knowing if he should keep going or introduce him.

And then it hit him, the little girl actually had no idea that he was the Severus Snape she wrote to. He wasn't about to introduce himself to potters kid unless Potter wanted him to. He intruded enough for one day.

"Sweetheart, this Severus Snape. He taught me at Hogwarts."

"You came!" Severus then found himself enveloped in a hug. Stunned, he awkwardly patted the girl's head, willing himself not to pull away. "You got my letter!" Her eyes widened when she pulled back and she covered her mouth. "Uh... I mean what letter?" 

Potter simply shook his head, trying to hide his smile. "You minx,"

"I'm sorry for not telling you Daddy," She frowned and rocked back on her sock-clad feet nervously.

"Come, let's have a talk," Potter said to his daughter before turning to Severus. "You okay showing yourself out?"

"Out? He just got here," Callie frowned. "Can't he stay, Daddy? Please I want to show him my cricket!"

Severus remained quiet, sure not to overstep but mostly because he didn't know what to say. He watched Potter's forehead crease and look between his pouting daughter and a blank-looking Severus. 

"I'm sure he has things to go home for supper. Don't you Professor?"

"I-"

The girl didn't let Severus answer before saying, "Do you have family waiting for you at home?" 

Severus slowly shook his head, "No, I don't."

"Then can he stay and eat with us? Please I promise I'll behave."

"Why does that not sound promising," Potter tried to hide a smile while looking at his daughter. "Is that okay with you Professor? Callie wants you to stay."

But you don't, Severus thought. And no it was not okay with him but he surely didn't know how to break it to an overexcited toothless six-year-old with a pout.

"Sure. Thank you," Severus said.

"I'm going to go talk with Callie for a while, please go wait in the sitting room, and if you need anything just call for Lissy," Potter said before taking his daughter's hand and walking back up the stairs.

Severus had no doubt that the little girl was about to get the scolding of the century. Severus made his way to what looked like a living room. With pale yellow walls, a dark blue couch, a pink armchair, and bright yellow ottomans. Curse whoever was Potter's decorator because good god it looked like a rainbow had vomited and his living room was the aftermath.

There was also what looked like a muggle television hanging on the wall on top of a fireplace. The mantle itself lingered with pictures -- memories, something Severus' own home lacked.

Severus allowed himself to look at them and found the golden trio, a bunch of redheads. Potter's daughter playing quidditch with a boy with bright blue hair and what looked like Ron Weasley, Potter, and no doubt Draco Malfoy in one picture and wondered what exactly is Draco Malfoy doing in Harry Potter's family photos.

He stopped snooping and took a seat at the very far end of the blue sofa, keeping his hands to himself.

After what seemed like a small eternity, Potter returned with his daughter following suit. 

"Do you want to show Professor Snape your cricket?"

"Just Severus will do please," Severus found himself say.

Potter only nodded and the little girl jumped on the sofa excitedly carrying a small glass box with an insect inside. "This is my cricket, Cricket!"

"You named your cricket, Cricket?" Severus asked

Callie grinned and all but shoved the box in Severus' face. "He's pretty isn't he?"

"Callie baby, please be careful with that," Severus looked up to see potter still standing in the doorway as he had before. "She gets too excited about stuff," He said to Severus before running a hand through his hair. 

"I'm always careful, Daddy."

"Yeah right," Potter smiled. Severus had to admit he quite liked watching the two interact. "Profess- I mean, Severus, dinner won't be ready for another hour or two would you like a snack in the meantime?"

"I'm good thank you." 

Potter nodded, "I was going to help Callie with her homework if you don't mind helping. You were a professor after all," Potter smiled at him and it honestly seemed genuine.

Severus pressed his lips together and slowly nodded.

The three sat at the kitchen table, working silently. Callie answering everything she could by herself, Severus and potter overseeing her work and answering questions when she asked. She was a very bright girl and Severus doesn't know why in God's name she was going to a muggle primary school and not a wizarding one.

Dinner on the other hand was anything but quiet. 

"And then Teddy dared me to jump in it. And I told him that he should go first because I knew it would splash and then Rose jumped in out of nowhere and it made the biggest splash ever! And everyone got wet and then Auntie Gin got mad at the Teddy and then at Rose for getting baby Scorp wet because he's just a tiny little baby and then Uncle Draco said it was okay but Auntie Gin still got mad and Rose couldn't play for the entire rest of the day," 

Calliope finished an elaborate story about the time she almost jumped in a puddle, leaving her in a fit of giggles as if it was the funniest story ever told. 

Severus gave her his whole attention, willing himself not to correct the little girl's grammar multiple times. Potter stayed quiet, commented when was necessary, and laughed when necessary. 

"Uncle Draco?" Severus turned to Potter who was pushing around the peas in his plate. 

"Draco Malfoy, yeah. He married Ron Weasley."

Merlin that's why his picture is in Potters home. Just how many things did he miss?

"And Hermione is with Ginny. They have two kids together and Ron and Draco have a son." Potter said with a smile. Clearly fond of his friends. 

"I would've thought Weasley and Granger would be married with a herd of redheads by now," Severus took a bite of his chicken and stared at potter.

"I guess they both wanted different things. Literally." 

"Was that an attempt at a joke Potter?"

Potter smirked at his comment before taking a sip of his wine. "Didn't even know you knew what humour was Severus, but yes."

Severus was dumbfounded, to say the least. He heard a fit of giggles from the little girl next to him before letting out a small laugh himself. After that, dinner went smoothly.

Severus found out that Potter was a muggle photographer. He freelanced and sold some of his stuff online. He left the wizarding world to take care of his daughter in peace without the publicity and sent Calliope to a muggle school to get the same experience he did growing up before going to Hogwarts.

Calliope, on the other hand, was the friendliest chatterbox Severus ever had the pleasure of meeting. Usually, he couldn't stand chatty children but he was so fascinated by Potter's daughter. 

He learned that her favourite colour is all the colours because she doesn't want to make the colours feel bad for not being picked. Her favourite cousin was Teddy, the blue-haired boy who Severus came to learn Remus Lupin's son. Her favourite hobbies were drawing for her Dad and Lissy and playing quidditch with her Auntie Ginny.

Every new piece of information Severus learned, left him more fascinated by the strange father-daughter duo. Potter was a good Dad from what he'd seen in the past two hours. But he could also see how much he tried to hide his torment from his daughter. Severus, on the other hand, wasn't fooled so easily.

***

Harry still couldn't believe that Severus Snape was sitting in his living room across from him, drinking tea together as if they were lifelong friends. Friends. Was Snape even capable of having friends? 

Nevertheless, Snape sat in front of him drinking tea and laughing with him. He looked good when he laughed. The smile didn't really quite reach his eyes but crooked teeth aside, he had a nice smile.

Old buried feelings resurfaced in the few hours he'd been at Harry's house and Harry felt like he was going crazy. It's been so so long since he saw Snape and all he had ever wanted was to see the man again.

He had so much to say to him but he found himself speechless and his brain completely blank. He could never think straight with Severus Snape involved --literally.

"So, how long have you been back?" Harry cleared his throat and set the teacup on the table near the armchair he was sitting on.

"Going on one year now," Snape said. 

"I heard about your mother, I'm very sorry." Harry had heard from the Malfoys that Snape's mother had passed away but no one knew if Snape came back for the funeral or if there was even a funeral. Harry was sorry to hear he wrote a letter to Snape that day but just like the others, it wasn't sent.

"No need to apologize, Potter. Circle of life and all. Nothing could've prevented it," Snape's face remained neutral but Harry could see just how difficult the subject was for him. 

"Thank you for staying by the way," Harry changed the subject and saw snape's shoulders visibly relaxing in relief. Harry smiled to himself and picked up his teacup again.

Snape simply nodded, "Thank you for letting me stay. Calliope is a delight."

"Merlin, I never use her full name unless she's in trouble." 

"She was the Goddess of Music," Snape said and harry smiled. Of course, Snape would know and say something like that. Harry had no idea what the meaning of her name was until Hermione told him.

"Hermione told me," Harry laughed. "I remember when she started teething, it was a horror show trying to get her to do anything but cry, I would hold her and sing Here Comes the Sun by The Beatles, which only made her cry harder because I'm shit at singing. 

But eventually, she got used to my voice probably because she realized it was the only one she was ever gonna get," Harry stopped. He didn't know why he was telling snape this. Why he did tell snape about this in a letter he wrote.

"Sorry," Harry found himself saying after minutes of silence.

"No need for apologies Mr. Potter."

Harry tilted his head and smiled small, "I think we're past formalities don't you." 

Snape nodded, "How are you?" He paused before adding, "Harry."

Merlin, was Severus Snape a mind healer and Harry had no idea or what? Harry simply blinked at the question not sure how to answer.

"I'm okay. I thought we touched this already,"

"Are you getting enough sleep?"

"You would think after six years, I would is able to close my eyes without seeing blood. Without seeing your lifeless body in that hallway or hear Molly's screams for Fred, but no," Harry found himself saying, his voice so low he didn't trust it. "Even the Golden Boy of the Wizarding World isn't allowed that luxury," 

He couldn't meet Snape's eyes.

"Why are you so reluctant on seeing a mind healer?"

"Because I didn't need a mind healer after being abused by the Dursleys for over ten years, I didn't need a mind healer after literally dying and coming back to life and I definitely don't need a mind healer now because I have a few sleepless nights."

"I think it's time you go, Professor. Thank you for the company," Harry said, still avoiding eye contact. He stood up after snape did. He looked like he wanted to say something but went against it. He simply grabbed his coat and let his hand linger on the door handle.

He turned to Harry, his thin lips pressed in a tight line, his eyes wholly unreadable, and said, "There's absolutely nothing wrong with needing help, Harry. You may be a hero to everyone but you truly aren't, until you're a hero to yourself. Help yourself. Save yourself." 

And with that, the door closed in Harry's face.

***

Harry didn't get any sleep that night. The moonlight illuminated his bedroom, he felt a soft breeze take over his body, leaving goosebumps on his exposed arms. He stared at his open window. It was a full moon tonight. Sometimes days would pass and harry wouldn't know they're passing but lately, they've been slower and slower. It's been a full moon for almost a month at this point.

He tossed and turned on his bed, contemplating taking the duvet off his bed and wrap himself in it on the cold hardwood floor. What Snape said earlier that day played in his head like a broken record. He didn't need saving. He's not some broken and pitiful thing.


	2. Apple Juice

_Harry,_

_I hope this finds you well._

_I took it upon myself to brew you a calming drought potion mixed with dreamless sleep. It is completely safe, I assure you. I've been brewing it for years now, and while I cannot guarantee it will make the nightmares go away completely, you should be able to get a full night's sleep for most of the week --_ _which I assume would be more than you're getting now?_

_Take two drops on your tongue before you sleep. No more, no less, and it should do the trick._ _W_ _hen you run out, don't hesitate to send an owl._

_I apologize again for intruding the other day. Take care of yourself._

_Severus Snape_

Harry set the letter down and opened the basket the owl came in carrying to find a bottle that looked like it would last him a good month if he did as told. 

He couldn't help but wonder why in the world Snape would send him this. Why did he waste his time brewing a potion for harry just because he said he was having trouble sleeping? The man was the definition of puzzling.

Harry never hated Snape. He always had reason to but could never bring himself to actually hate the man. When he thought Snape had died and got his memories, harry spent hours watching them over and over again, and each time whatever dislike he had towards the man lessoned.

That's why Harry wrote to him. Constantly. He wrote to him after the war telling him that he saw and understood him now. He wrote asking, no, begging Snape to help him. He poured out his emotions on every letter he wrote to the man and could never bring himself to send them. 

It was foolish and stupid to not destroy those letters. It was even more foolish to fall in love with Snape from watching his memories.

Seeing Severus Snape on his doorstep three days ago almost gave him a heart attack. When he heard why exactly he was standing on his doorstep, Harry's heart dropped. He had a stern talking to with Callie about giving strangers his address and Callie claimed Snape wasn't a stranger since Harry wrote so many letters to him.

She was both right and wrong. Snape wasn't a stranger but he definitely wasn't a friend or even an acquaintance. Before the war, Harry would've even called him his enemy. But he was never a stranger. Especially when he sat across from Harry and had tea with him, listened to him rant about his problems, while not a single insult or taunt was heard from the man. He simply listened.

This was not the same Severus snape who taught Harry in school. Not the same man he knew years ago. This was the man Harry had imagined every time he wrote a letter. This was the man Harry fell in love with and hoped in some alternate universe, he loved Harry back. And Harry didn't know how to feel about that. 

He closed the letter and took the potion and put it in his medicine cabinet. He then went to the fridge and scribbled ' _take potion before bed_ ' on the dry erase board stuck to the fridge.

"What potion?" Harry yelped at the voice behind him. 

"Jesus, Callie, you scared me," Harry clutched his heart before turning around and planting a kiss on top of her hair. "Good morning love."

"Sorry," She yawned and wrapped her arms around Harry's waist, nuzzling her face in his shirt. "What potion?" She asked again.

Harry debated on whether or not to tell her the truth before deciding that honesty was indeed the best policy. "Remember Severus?"

"The nice professor," Harry snorted. Nice was never a word he would use to describe Snape. 

"Yes, the nice professor. He sent me a potion to help me sleep better," Callie beamed and hugged him tighter. 

"I knew he would help you!" She said. "Did you write to him to thank him already?" Harry didn't even think about doing that honestly.

"No, I haven't."

"Then, can he come to the park with me and Teddy today, please? I'm taking cricket he wants to see him again," Callie grinned, showing her missing front tooth.

Harry didn't have the heart to ever deny his daughter so he nodded. "Go brush your teeth and come back down for breakfast. I'll go write Severus." Harry watched her run up the stairs before sighing and going into his study to write a thank you note to Snape.

_Severus,_

_Thank you for the potion. I know you must've gone to some trouble to brew it for me and I truly appreciate it._

_Callie wanted me to ask the "Nice Professor" if he wanted to come to the park with her, Teddy, and Cricket today. I understand if you're busy but she was adamant about me asking you and I couldn't deny her._

_It's a muggle park we go to every Saturday since Teddy spends every weekend with us. The kids bring their coloring books and play with any insects they find there, much to my chagrin, and we bring food and make a whole picnic out of it._

_Let me know If you can make it. We usually leave around noon to take our lunch there._

_Thank you again for the potion._

_Harry Potter_

_***_

_Harry,_

_I would love to. I will be at your house promptly. Thank you for the invitation and don't thank me for the potion, it was my pleasure._

_Severus Snape_

Short and straight to the point. Harry didn't expect any less. Yet there was a small feeling of nostalgia running through him while he wrote to snape. Snape writing back was new, though. Definitely a new feeling.

After getting Snape's owl, Harry got Callie ready for the day and tidied up the place doing his best not to use cleaning charms for everything, especially not the dishes. Lissy usually had weekends off because Harry didn't have work on weekends so he took care of Callie and did most of the cooking.

Harry put together a small picnic basket, full of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, ham and cheese sandwiches, cut up apple slices, and small tangerines. He didn't know if Snape had any dietary restrictions but he hoped not because they would be eating the same things as the children. He made sure to pack water and juice boxes along with some nuts and raisins and leftover key lime pie for dessert.

The basket was ready, Callie was ready, and now it was his turn. Harry reached his en suite bathroom. There he stared himself in the mirror and frowned. He didn't look his age. He looked older than twenty-four yet so so much younger at the same time.

Snape was right about the circles under his eyes but he's had them since he was a teenager. Harry was never one to actually sleep through a full night's sleep. Even with the Dursleys where he basically slept with one eye open most of the time.

The bags under his eyes made themselves known, but it's a good thing his glasses hid them. Not well but it tried. His forehead was forever creased in knots and his now faded scar. He had a small scruff because hasn't yet shaved. He thought about letting it grow into a beard, but the itchiness and constant maintenance were enough to make him think twice.

He smiled in the mirror, a sort of practice he's embarked upon himself. He was scared Callie would see right through it. It was too late because she was catching on and the last thing Harry wanted was for his daughter to see he's depressed. He never used the word depressed until Hermione called him that. 

Sure he had his ups and downs but even he realized that when he has downs, he sinks beneath the earth, sometimes trapped.

Snape's comment hasn't left his mind since he heard it three days ago. He didn't need saving and if he did, he would do it his damn self. He doesn't need Snape's help or some random mind healer's.

Harry quickly averted his eyes from the mirror and got on about doing his daily morning routine.

***

The doorbell rang and Callie ran towards it, Teddy in tow. Callie had been going on and on about her Daddy's friend Severus and how he was the Professor at the magical school their Dads went to. Teddy of course was a naturally curious child so he couldn't wait to see this mysterious man.

"Teddy, Callie please no running inside the house you know the rules," Harry said walking behind the children so he could get to the door first. "Don't open that door. You don't know who's behind it."

"Sorry, Daddy!"

"Sorry, Uncle Harry!"

Harry opened the door, the two six-year-olds both on his right, trying to peek to see who it was. It was, of course, Snape. He was dressed in the same muggle attire as a few days ago, black trousers but today, he wore a white button-up and a different colored coat that looked like it was tailored and made just for him. His hair in another bun at the top of his head.

Harry knew nothing of fashion. He wore whatever is clean and doesn't shop unless Draco drags him to the muggle mall near him a few times a month. Snape looked like he stepped right out of a muggle fashion catalog.

"Hello, pro- I mean Severus," It was still weird calling the man by his first name. 

"Severus!" Harry felt Callie run past him and tackle the man's legs into a hug. Harry was about to apologize for his daughter's behavior when he saw Snape's face twist into what looked like a smile and pat the girl's head slowly.

"Hello, little one," He said as Callie pulled back and grabbed Teddy's arm. 

"Hello! This is Teddy," She grinned and motioned for teddy to say hi to snape. "Say hi, Teddy. He's the nicest."

Teddy blushed at the statement and gave a small wave before hiding his face in Harry's jeans. "Sorry, he's shy," Harry chuckled before picking teddy up, resting the boy's head on his shoulder, and rubbed his back soothingly. "Nothing like this troublemaker here."

"Hey!" Callie did her best to sound offended but her smile said otherwise.

"Hello Teddy, my name is Severus Snape," Snape said.

Teddy buried his face deeper into Harry's shoulder and Harry decided he needed to warm up to snape a little more. Harry apologized and snape simply shook his head slightly telling him no need to apologize.

"Do you want anything to drink?" Snape shook his head no as they went inside the house. Callie holding Snape's hand and telling her about how she did her maths work all by herself the day before. Harry tried putting teddy down but the boy refused. Harry sighed and looked over at Snape, "Would you mind carrying the basket for me, please? Someone refuses to get down," Harry chuckled looking at Teddy over his shoulders. 

"Of course not," Snape said and grabbed the basket. He was being fairly quiet. only nodding to Callie's rambles. Maybe he didn't want to come. Maybe he only came not to disappoint Callie and honesty Harry didn't blame him after the way he basically chased him out of his home three days prior.

The four made their way out of the house and started walking the short ten-minute walk to the park. Teddy was getting a little too big to be carried but Harry didn't mind. They were only getting bigger and harry cherished any moment he could carry them. 

Callie walked ahead with Snape, her hands in his as she tells him about all the things they do at the park. Harry watches the man walk in front of him, ever so elegant.

Harry set Teddy down halfway from the park and settled for holding his hand instead. He caught up with the two in front of him and joined the conversation of how Callie got her cricket. 

"She has cricket and Teddy's got a caterpillar. They were so set on bringing them home to be part of our family. I couldn't say no," Harry chuckled. 

"I brought my caterpillar with me if you want to see it," A shy voice all but whispered next to Harry. Harry smiled at the fact that Teddy was trying to open up.

Snape smiled and looked down at the boy, "I would love to see him."

They reached the park and snape helped harry unload the picnic basket. They laid the blanket on the grass near this big oak tree and took out the food. 

"I hope you're not allergic to anything," Harry said and Snape said he wasn't.

"Daddy, can we find a friend for cricket to play with?" Callie asked, munching on some apples.

"Well see, love," Harry smiled and wiped some peanut butter from her mouth with a napkin. "Hey Ted, you want to show Severus your caterpillar?"

Teddy nodded and reached for the basket, pulling out a small glass box like Callie's. The inside looked like it had been charmed with growing leaves and Snape picked up the white box looking at it like it was the most interesting thing in the world. 

"He's beautiful, Teddy," Snape said, handing the box back to a smiling teddy. "What's his name?"

"His name is Mr green. Because he's really green," Teddy giggled.

"Great name for a great caterpillar." 

Harry smiled seeing how well the kids were getting along with Snape. He had never seen this side of the man in the seven years he attended Hogwarts. He knew snape wasn't a bad person, never was. The man just made some questioning choices but he wasn't a bad person.

France and time had been very kind to Snape, Harry noticed. His hair was noticeably longer now, even in the bun. It was fluffier too, no longer the flat mess it once was. His face looked younger even though he was in his forties. Harry would be lying if he said he didn't find the man attractive -- if he hadn't always found the man attractive. 

Harry was lost in his thoughts, staring at Snape and undoubtedly making it very obvious until he felt a hand touch his arm. He came back to and realized it was Snape trying to get his attention. 

"Sorry," Harry blushed and quickly averted his eyes from the man. 

"The kids wanted to go on the playground," Snape said motioning to the two children in front of them. 

"Yeah, you guys go. Well be here if you need anything."

The kids didn't wait for any other words to leave Harry's mouth before they got up and ran towards the slides screaming about who gets to go first.

"Thank you for inviting me. I've had a good time," Snape said after a minute or two of silence.

"Thank you for coming. I'm sure Callie would be sulking right now if you didn't,"

"They're great kids," Snape said to him, pushing a loose strand of hair back into his bun. Harry wanted to do that for him. He wanted to tell him he looked really good with his hair like that.

Instead, he settled for a, "Thank you, they're my pride and joy," Snape nodded and another wave of semi-comfortable and uncomfortable silence settled between them. 

"How are you?" 

Harry looked at Snape, not sure how to answer that question. So instead he asked Snape, "How was France? Did you eat a lot of cheese?"

Snape narrowed his eyes, boring them into Harry's own. He didn't say anything but his gaze was intense. Harry shifted uncomfortably before reaching for an apple slice from the bowl in front of him. He bit into it, still holding snape's gaze. He chewed slowly never breaking eye contact. If this was some sort of strange staring contest, Snape would for sure be winning. But Harry didn't give up easily.

"I hear there's a lot of cheese in France," Harry said awkwardly breaking the eye contact. Why in Merlin's name couldn't he stop talking about cheese.

Snape was still staring at him, his eyes boring on the side of Harry's face, if not his soul.

"Your humor isn't at all flattering Mr. Potter," He said taking a sip of the small green apple juice box in his hands.

Harry couldn't help himself. He really tried not to. But before he could stop himself, he erupted into a fit of laughter, clutching his stomach. He wheezed and gasped while pointing at Snape, more so the juice box in his hands. Snape trying to look serious while taking a sip of a children's juice box was a sight to behold. Indeed it was. 

"What in Merlin's name is so funny Potter?"

He didn't know. Oh, Gods, he took another sip and Harry couldn't take it anymore. Snape's eyes shifted to the juice box in his hands and finally realized what Harry was laughing at. His own face broke out into a grin and he was visibly trying not to laugh.

"Exactly how old are you again?" Snape chuckled setting the juice box down on the blanket.

"Says the one with the juice box in his hands," Harry tried to catch his breath after his laughing fit and wiped his eyes. "I needed a good laugh. Thank you,"

Snape rolled his eyes but there was no malice in it. In fact, he looked amused. He simply picked up his juice box back up and sipped every last bit.

"Never thought I'd see the day where I'm having a picnic with Severus Snape. But first time for everything," Harry said, taking the last bite of his apple. 

"Makes two of us,"

"But in all seriousness," Harry said, "How was the cheese in France?"

"What is this weird fascination with cheese?" 

Harry shrugged. "I like cheese." 

"I can see that," Snape pressed his lips in a thin line, pushing his hair away again. Merlin did he look hot when he did that. "Plus I'm trying to make conversation."

Snape shifted so that he was sitting cross-legged instead of on his side like he was before. "What you're trying to do, is avoid my question Potter."

"You noticed that?" Harry chuckled nervously.

"I notice a lot of things."

"Like me needing help?"

"I didn't notice that. I was told."

"What did you notice?"

Snape looked at him for a while, that same unwavering gaze again, "More than you know," He said.

***

Severus was finally home after a day at the park with Potter's daughter and godson. He had never experienced such a tiring day. After their conversation, the kids came back and demanded to color pictures. Callie then took it upon himself to take out Severus' bun and braid his hair. Getting out the knots once he got home was truly a pain. Nevertheless, Severus had fun. 

Potter was more than an okay company. He was definitely more mature and less annoying than Severus remembered. Severus guessed having a kid was ground for maturity though he wouldn't know anything about that.

Potter was good. He always was. Something Severus could never say about himself but the more time Severus spends around the man, the more troubled he seemed. He was too proud to admit and Severus would never pressure the man to bore his soul to him, but he cared.

Severus knew about troubles. And if it wasn't for the mind healer he saw in France, he wouldn't be alive at the moment, that he knew. What he also knew is that Potter was undeniably happy around the kids. The kids anchored him and gave him purpose yes, but what happens when the kids aren't around. What happens when they go to Hogwarts. Will it be too late?

Calliope took it upon herself to reach out to a stranger to help her Dad. He's never one to disappoint. He's never one to simply not care. Especially when Harry Potter's in the mix.


	3. October

Severus was on his second cup of coffee on Friday morning when the owl came. He fed the white creature some treats before taking the small parchment from its feet. The owl didn't wait for an answer before flying away. As much as he hates to admit it, Severus knows Harry's owl by now.

_Severus,_

_I wish I could read your mind honestly. I also wish you could read the letters I wrote to you but never sent. I don't get you, I don't understand you and that's all I want. I was doing fine until you showed up and reminded me of how I always lose.  
_

_I'm slowly losing someone Severus. I've lost so many, countless times, and I almost lost you. But you're back and I'm in love with you but I just want you to leave me alone._

_I want you to leave me alone but I also need you._

Severus dropped the letter and if he still had his coffee mug in his hand he would most likely drop it also. He had to have read that wrong. So he read it again. Harry was in love with him. Was this some weird nightmare he couldn't wake up from or was the universe playing some cruel trick on him?

What sins was he atoning for now?

Surely he couldn't be serious. Severus knows he isn't seeing anyone from the fact that he never mentions that he was. But to be in love with Severus? Was anyone even capable of loving him?

There really was nothing to do but to go to Harry's home.

Severus put on his coat and walked to the closest apparition point to Harry's house. Upon arriving at the Potter household, Severus made a mental check to tell Potter to strengthen his wards. Even in a muggle neighborhood, you could never be too careful.

He knocked one. Twice, and again but no answer. He called out Harry's name but it didn't seem like anyone was home. Severus couldn't help but wonder if this letter was this Callie's doing once again.

He was ready to give up after a while until the door swung open out of nowhere. Lissy, Harry's house-elf stood behind the door.

"Master Severus, Master Harry be in his room. Go to him please," Lissy said, motioning for Severus to give her his coat.

He took off his coat and handed it to her before walking into the foyer, making his way into the living room. The house looked and sounded empty. He made his way upstairs not sure which room was Potter's but he took a guess and opened the very first room he came upon.

In the room was a big four-poster bed with a lump on top of it. Which he assumed the lump was Harry.

"Harry?" He called out and saw the lump move but no answer. He stepped inside, making sure to keep the door open behind him. "Potter," he tried again.

He moved closer and stopped abruptly when he heard a sob. Surely the man couldn't be crying. Severus doesn't know how to deal with a crying person, let alone a crying Harry Potter.

His head poked out from under the covers and good god did he look awful. He doesn't look like he's been sleeping eating or doing anything that makes a human look human.

"Merlin, Harry, are you ill?"

He heard a weak laugh come from the man on the bed. Severus carefully made his way towards the bed and sat near harry, putting his hand on the man's forehead to feel for a fever. Nothing.

Harry's eyes were red, his nose about the same color and he was struggling to breathe out of his nose resulting in small shallow breaths from his lips.

"I'm like this every year," Every year? Severus looked puzzled until it hit him.

It was currently the 30th of October.

He'd try his absolute best to erase that date from his memory and now he was sitting on Harry's bed, the man crying in front of him with no way to comfort him. So, Severus stayed quiet in fear of saying the wrong thing or breathing the wrong way.

"I don't even remember them, yet I can't stop crying thinking about them." He didn't look Severus in the eyes. He looked up at the ceiling as if it would answer his question. "Do you miss her?"

"Yes," Severus answered.

"You think they'd be proud of me?"

Severus didn't hesitate before answering "Yes," once again.

The room remained quiet until a small sob broke it. Severus felt out of place. He didn't know where to look, what to do, or what to say. But looking at Harry in front of him, his heart ached for him. Having to go through so much and lose so many people at such a young age.

He deserved better. 

"I'm going to go make you some tea," He went to get up but a hand grabbed his shirt, stopping him before he had the chance.

"Please, stay with me."

And who was Severus to say no? _How_ could he say no?

After a while, Severus felt beyond creepy just watching Harry sleep so he made his way downstairs and asked the house-elf where Callie was and found out that Callie was staying with Ron and Draco for the weekend. He picked up a book from Harry's bookcase in the living room and made his way back upstairs, sitting in the armchair in the room and read.

When night came, he went downstairs to prepare something for harry in case he woke up. He told the poor worried elf that Harry would be fine and she could take the rest of the day off. Harry slept until eleven at night -- missing lunch and dinner.

Severus made soup knowing it would be better if the man had light foods so he doesn't throw up from crying so much. He took the soup back upstairs and left it on the nightstand under a warm stasis and got back to reading.

When he heard stirring from the bed, he got up and sat next to Harry on the bed again. He looked at the man and they made eye contact. Even in the dim-lit room, the piercing green eyes made themselves known.

Severus slowly reached out to brush Harry's curls from his face and checked his temperature. Still not warm enough to have a fever.

"I made you some soup."

No answer.

Green eyes still bore into Severus' dark ones in the room. "You have to eat something."

Harry turned around facing the window in his room letting Severus know that he wasn't going to talk. Severus sighed and took the soup back downstairs. He grabbed two water bottles made fresh tea before heading back to Harry's room.

The sound of sniffling welcomed him back and he stayed quiet. He simply picked up the book he was reading and accio'd the armchair closer to the bed and sat down.

He picked up in the chapter he left off on and started reading out loud. letting the low timbre of his voice fill the room until he heard the man's soft snoring.

Lissy prepared a guest room for him for the night and Severus was hesitant to leave Harry's side but the room was quite literally across from Harry's so he left both doors open and attempted to get some sleep.

He was tired. So tired, but sleep never came. Severus mourned his best friend every year if not every day. Lily was the only person Severus would ever call a best friend and her death completely broke him. Drove him to make some of the worst decisions he ever made.

But Harry lost his parents. Severus didn't know much about parental love but he knew James and Lily completely adored their son. He doesn't deserve this but Severus doesn't know how exactly Harry expects him to help. He doesn't even know _if_ Harry wants his help.

All he could do was be there for him. Be there for him because Lily can't be. It's what she would've wanted. It's what Severus wants.

He closed his eyes and let sleep take him, slowly but not fully.

***

A scream woke him up not three hours later. Severus made his way to Harry's room and found him kicking and mumbling in his sleep.

"Harry!" Severus put his hand on the man's cheek and leaned over him. "Harry, wake up, it's just a dream," He slowly shakes him until he's up.

Harry gasped as he opened his eyes and started coughing. The sound of coughs slowly turned into sobs as he threw his arms around Severus' neck crying in his shirt. Severus calmed him down and found himself on the bed with Harry in his arms, his thumb rubbing soft circles under his shirt.

He didn't ask him about the dream or about anything. He just held him until he fell back asleep his head resting against Severus' chest, his hair ticking the man's face but Severus found himself not minding one bit.

He didn't go back to the guest room.

***

The next day, he got harry to drink tea and eat two crackers. Not bags but two singular crackers. He slept and Severus read to him some more, finishing the book. He found another book in a small bookcase in Harry's room and got to reading while he played with the man's hair on the bed. Fewer words were exchanged than the day before.

On the third day, harry told Lissy to go check on Callie. The small elf came back claiming she was okay and gave her a letter to give to harry. Severus didn't know what the contents of the letter were but whatever it was made harry cry leaving Severus to comfort him.

The fourth day was Monday. Harry went back to how he was the first-day Severus got there. He refused to speak or speak to Severus. He got up once to use the loo and acted as if Severus wasn't even in the room. 

Harry had a visitor that day. Harry what sounded like a floor downstairs and saw Draco Malfoy in Harry's living room dusting floo powder off him. 

Severus hadn't seen his godson in six years and in Potter's living room is not how he had planned on them reuniting. Like Harry, Draco looked older but unlike Harry, he looked happy and Healthy. Severus writes back and forth with Narcissa from time to time but he hadn't told her he was still in England. He didn't know if they heard from Harry since they all seem to be a close bunch now.

"I didn't believe him, but when Callie told me I believed her," Was the first thing Draco said to him before he found himself almost tackled to the floor in a bone-crushing hug.

Of course, he heard the news that he was back in England from a six-year-old. 

Severus patted the boy's back before stepping back, "Yes I'm back, sorry you didn't hear it from me. I did plan on writing your mother soon."

"It's okay. We need to catch up soon I missed you," Draco said with a smile. Severus couldn't deny he missed him too. He never had the closest relationship with his godson but he cared for him, since he was a child, all Severus has done is try to keep him safe. 

"How's Harry?" Draco made his way towards the couch and sat down. Severus took a seat on the arm of the sofa across from him.

"Alive. Honestly, that's all I can say," Severus said. "What about Callie how is she?"

"She's in school right now. Ron and I are taking care of her plus she was very excited to see her cousin Scorpius."

Severus heard he had a son with a Weasley but honestly hearing it from Draco's mouth didn't make it any less shocking.

"Scorpius is your son right?"

A proud smile crept on Draco's face, "Yeah, he's about to turn two in December. I can't wait for you to meet him, Sev," 

Severus nodded before asking, "You came to see Harry?"

Draco frowned. "Ron wanted to come stay with him after he dropped Callie off but he assured us he would be fine this year."

"He's like this every year?"

"Yeah, every year around this time like clockwork," Draco sighed and ran his hand across his face. "It gets really bad. sometimes he doesn't leave bed for two, three weeks, and nothing we do or say helps."

Severus stayed quiet. he knew Harry was stubborn but merlin why hadn't the boy got help yet. "He needs a mind healer."

"It's like a song at this point, everyone in Harry's life has said those words at least a million times but he won't listen."

"He's not okay Draco. He needs to get help, if not for him then for his daughter."

"If anyone can convince him, it's you Sev. Please help him."

And at that point, if Severus never heard those three words again, he would die a happy man. is that how Harry felt when he had to save the entire Wizarding World? Severus didn't find it a burden to help Harry but there was so much underlying pressure. What if he couldn't. You can't help someone who doesn't want help. It doesn't work like that.

Draco stayed and talked for a while before heading to Harry's room to update him on Callie's weekend. Severus knew Harry wasn't sleeping but he was still under the covers facing the window and staring at it like it was the single greatest invention on the planet.

Draco left around lunchtime to pick Callie up from primary school, telling Harry he would bring Callie to see him as soon as he was feeling better.

Right after he left, Harry let out a sob that completely broke Severus' heart. He made his way towards the bed pulling Harry into his arms. 

"Shh, it's okay. Harry, you're okay," Severus whispered.

Harry sobbed louder, clinging onto Severus' shirt. He struggled to breathe while he mumbled inaudible words into Severus' shirt. 

"I'm a horrible father." 

"Why do you say that?" 

"I want to see her," Harry said, burying his face deeper into Severus' chest. "I really want to but she can't see me like this. I won't let her see me at my weakest."

Severus hesitated before saying, "I've had my shares of experiences with bad fathers Harry, and you are not one of them."

Harry's cried subdue and Severus made him sit up before grabbing his face in his hands and stared him in the eyes. He wiped a start tear from Harry's cheek with his thumb. Harry was beautiful. Severus wasnt blind. His face was red and his nose snotty and wet but he was still so beautiful. 

"You can't keep going like this, love," The term of endearment slipped out and Severus saw Harry's eyes widen before he looked down. "No, look at me."

Harry looked up, meeting Severus' gaze. 

"You need to see a mind healer."

"Okay," Severus held him impossibly tighter.

***

Tuesday went by and Harry attempted to eat something other than soup. He showered and sat up on the bed while Severus read to him. Overall, Harry seemed to be looking less like he wasn't alive.

On Wednesday, Severus woke up to find the bed next to him empty. He started to panic until he saw Harry emerge from the bathroom with a towel around his curls, no shirt, and a pair of black sweatpants hanging low on his hips.

He gave Severus a small smile, "Morning."

Severus pressed his lips in a thin line, looking everywhere but Harry's chest as he slowly spoke, "Good morning." 

Awkward wouldn't even begin to describe the way Severus felt. He absentmindedly shared Harry's bed for the past five nights but now Harry was visibly better he felt out of place around Harry's things in his house.

"You can take a shower if you want. I'll find some other clothes for you to wear," Harry said. Severus examined him and Harry looked more alert but his eyes were still red and overall he looked tired.

Severus made his way out of the bed while Harry walked towards his closet to find the clothes he promised. He handed the clothes to Severus before pulling on a shirt over his head. 

"I'm going to go pick up Callie from school today. Lissy will be making lunch please don't wait for us if you're hungry," Was he just going to act like the last few days didn't happen?

"Harry-"

Harry put his hand up. "Please, Severus. Not now. I just need to be with her. We can talk later yeah?"

Severus nodded his head slowly before he watched Harry leave his bedroom. 

***

Callie came home and the house was no longer the ghost town it had been. Severus was at the kitchen table drinking tea while finishing the latest book he took from Harry's bookcase when a pair of small arms hugged him from the side. 

Harry walked in after her quietly before taking a seat across from Severus. He, mumbled a low hello while Severus nodded and turned his attention back to the little girl in front.

Severus listened as she excitedly told him about her weekend and how baby Scorpius put everything in his mouth and almost ate Cricket. She told him about how they had Show and Tell at school and both she and Teddy brought their insects and everyone was jealous.

She was a kid and the only thing on her mind were kid things. Severus envied her. He envied her innocence to the world just how cruel it could be and Severus wanted to protect her from it forever. 

It was too late for her father but that doesn't mean Severus wasn't going to try like hell. 

"I missed you and daddy. I'm glad you're here Severus," Callie said while the three ate lunch together.

Harry smiled and told her he missed her just as much while Severus reminded quiet, his eyes never leaving Harry, even when he was caught.

After lunch, Harry told Callie to stay with Lissy and get some of her homework done while he and Severus take a short walk outside. Severus didn't know exactly how much harry was willing to talk about but they did need to talk. About the letter he received and what happened in the days he had been with Harry.

It was chilly outside. Severus was wearing his coat and Harry only a jumper. they were already three houses away from Harry's so Severus quietly took his coat off and put it over Harry's shoulders and cast a warming charm over him. 

"O-oh" Harry blushed. "You didn't have to."

"I don't want you freezing to death." 

Severus didn't know if it was the cool November breeze or what he said, but Harry's cheeks reddened. The wind was making a mess of his curls and Severus didn't know why he bothered fixing it every time. His eyes were wide and green. So green. His lips pink and kissable and Severus almost grabbed his wand and caused himself for thinking such disgusting thoughts.

"It's a nice day out," Severus found himself saying after averting his eyes from Harry.

"Yeah," Harry breathed out, reaching out to fix his curls once again. "Windy, but nice." 

Severus chuckled, completely endeared with the man. 

"So, you're in love with me?" 

Harry stopped in his tracks, eyes wide as he turned to look at Severus, "Why would you say it like that?"

Severus shrugged, trying to suppress a smile, "Like what? The way you wrote it?"

Harry swatted him in the chest playfully before glaring at him. He then turned around and kept walking determined to ignore Severus' comment. 

"Why and how in Merlin's name are you in love with me?"

"I'm not answering that."

"Why did you tell me?" 

"Not answering that."

Severus put his hand on Harry's should and stopped him. "Look at me," He said.

Harry looked up, a faint blush on his cheeks, "Please can we not talk about it? I'm embarrassed enough as it is,"

"Embarrassed that you're in love with me or that I know about it?"

"No. I'm not embarrassed that I love you," He said it so effortlessly as if the words meant nothing but Severus knew how much they meant, both to him hearing it and harry saying it. "But you don't feel the same way so I don't want to embarrass myself."

"I never said I didn't feel the same way," Severus found himself saying.

"Do you?"

"I-" Severus wouldn't lie to harry ever again. Truth is, yes harry was beautiful, yes he wanted to kiss harry but no he wants in love with Harry. At forty-four years old, Severus wasn't sure if he had ever really been in love. 

He knew he loved Lily but he was never really in love with her. He never wanted to kiss her or marry her or anything preposterous like that but he did care for her a great deal. Severus doesn't know what love is and he wasn't about to lie to Harry and say he did. 

"I can't answer that."

"Can't or won't?" Harry asked, looking hurt.

Severus couldn't look him in the eyes. He learned his throat and let go of Harry's shoulder before continuing to walk on the narrow sidewalk.

They walked in silence, passing large homes in the suburban muggle neighborhood. Neither of them said anything. Severus knew he did say something wrong by choosing not to say anything at all. He knew he hurt Harry but lying to the man wasn't right.

The thing is, Severus didn't want Harry to be in love with him. Harry could do so much better. He deserved better and Severus just wasn't it.

"I told asked Mione to help me find a mind healer," Harry said.

"I'm happy to hear that." 

Harry huffed as the wind messes up his hair once again, "Thank you, Severus." 

"No need for that,"

"No, I need to say it. Thank you for being there for me. It's so hard for me sometimes. like it takes more than just moving my muscles to get me out of bed. It's like I'm weighed down, anchored to the bed and nothing can help me up." 

Harry sighed as his breath wavered slightly as if he might cry, "Callie sometimes helps me up. She's the reason why I don't just stay in bed for months the way I did after the war. She deserves someone who's here. She deserves it so much,"

"And you will be that someone now that you're getting help."

"I hope so," Harry looked at him through his teary eyes.

Severus pulled him into his arms, rubbing his hands down Harry's back, and kissed the top of his head softly. He wasn't in love with Harry, but he felt like he could be.


	4. Painter Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smutty smut smut.
> 
> This is the song mentioned in the chapter https://open.spotify.com/track/58oFWUTFWaUy5S4C0IyE0U

The cold December breeze was enough to make him want to stay curled up in bed with Norah Jones on repeat while nursing a good book. He didn't have that luxury though. And he supposed that was okay because he was currently watching his daughter on the swings at the park near their house, the biggest smile on her face as she attempts to kick higher without his help.

After what happened on Halloween, Harry decided to go see a mind healer. Her name was Maggie and he would be lying if he said that the last four sessions he had with her hadn't helped him immensely.

It wasn't easy. During his first session, he all but exited her office in nonsensical screams and cries. But he didn't. That was a bigger achievement for him than he thought possible.

Maggie was nice. She was in her fifties, always smiling a warm grandmotherly smile and made Harry feel safe whenever he stepped into her office. It's like they became part of a bubble that left out anything cruel and evil in the world and it was just Harry. Harry and Maggie and Harry felt okay.

She encouraged Harry to step out of his comfort zone and tried to pinpoint the root of everything turmoil he ever had. Harry didn't like that part. Reliving some of his most traumatic childhood memories. Crying into the red sofa he was provided while taking the box of tissues she always offered.

It's still a struggle every day but Harry's proud of the work they've done. He's proud that he can finally be the father Callie needed, the friend his friends needed.

He pushed his glasses up his nose before wrapping the scarf tighter around his neck, not leaving room for the breeze to come through. He licked his chapped lips and sighed happily. He loved winter. He loved the layers of snow, the holiday cheer, and the sense of belonging.

"Here's your hot chocolate, I didn't ask for extra whipped cream but it's in there for some reason," A voice said from behind Harry, making him smile. He more than recognized that low timbre by now. He turned to see Severus standing behind him with a cupholder holding three hot chocolates.

"Yum," Harry licked his lips and reached his hand for the cup. "The barista probably had a crush on you. She's never given me any extra whipped cream before and I'm a regular."

Severus threw his head back in laughter and Harry was endeared.

"You do tell the funniest jokes, Harry."

"I'm so happy I taught you what humor is."

"I was very familiar with humor, just was never quite interested," Severus said, taking a seat on the park bench next to Harry.

Harry smiled, taking a sip of the hot beverage, "Until me."

"Until you," Severus said.

Harry didn't say anything but his smile was definitely more telling than any words could be. He called Callie to come to get her hot chocolate. He cast a wandless cooling charm on it before she took a sip, and the three sat at the bench, drinking, laughing and Harry's heart ached because they looked like a real family. Except they weren't.

Harry had asked Severus to spend Christmas with him and much to Harry's delight, he agreed. Harry never had great Christmases growing up, not until he left for Hogwarts so he was determined to make every Christmas beyond special for both her and Teddy.

And Severus being there was just the cherry on top of the very festive and happy cake.

"Daddy, what are you getting me for Christmas?" Callie looked up from her cup.

Harry chuckled, "Now where's the fun in me telling you?"

She pouted and turned to Severus, "What are you getting me Sevvy?"

She had taken to calling Severus that, despite Severus' protests but Harry suspected the man quite liked the nickname.

"It wouldn't be a surprise now would it?" He smiled at Callie and Harry found himself grinning at the two. 

It still amazed him how great Severus was with Callie. In the past weeks, he'd been going to see Maggie, Severus was always there to pick Callie up from school, help her with homework, and was just -- there.

The more time Harry spent with Severus, the more he was sure that he was in love with the man. Not just the person he had identified with from Severus' memories but this new Severus who let his daughter call him Sevvy, who reads bedtime stories to her and made potions to help Harry sleep better. 

The man was so selfless and caring. He was patient with Harry in a way Harry's never experienced before and every day it got harder and harder for him not to just blurt out 'I love you' and it hurt him to think about how Severus didn't feel the same.

And now Harry was staring at the man sitting next to him, his daughter between them. Severus looked so much younger than he had at Hogwarts. The lack of stress and constant fear for his life was a factor. His hair was down, framing his skinny face instead of the usual bun on top of his head.

He looked better this way, Harry thought. He wanted to run his hands through his hair and feel it tickle his face as they kissed. He wanted to feel those thin lips against his and feel the man's crooked nose touch his.

"Calliope, do tell your father to stop staring at me," Severus said, staring straight ahead before taking a sip of his drink.

Callie giggled," Daddy, stop staring at Sevvy."

Harry blushed and tried to hide his smile into his scarf, failing. "Tell Sevvy I'm admiring, not staring."

It was Severus' turn to blush.

Harry wanted him more than anything. But nothing has ever and probably would never come easy for Harry. He'd accepted that.

***

_If I were a painter_

_And could paint a memory_

_I'd climb inside the swirling skies to be with you_

_I'd climb inside the skies to be with you_

The soft voice of Norah Jones filled Harry's living room as he wrapped presents with Severus sitting across from him on the floor.

"Sev, you're butchering it. Hand it over," Harry chuckled, taking the box and wrapping paper from a clueless Severus.

Severus huffed, "This wrapping paper has something against me."

"Yes, it conspired with the scissors and tape to give you a hard time tonight. I overheard them," Harry laughed as he ripped off the gift wrap Severus attempted to take exactly on the box.

"Must we do this manually? Did you forget we are wizards?" Severus asked.

"Where's the fun in that?" Harry smirked. "Here look, this is how you wrap," Harry continued to wrap the rectangle box containing a red stuffed hippogriff he got for Hugo -- Hermione and Ginny's son.

Severus pressed his lips in a thin line while he watched Harry work, fixing a stray strand of hair back into the bun on his head. Harry smiled as he worked, looking at Severus and how eager looked to learn how to wrap presents, of all things.

"I shudder to think of how you wrapped my Christmas gift,"

Severus smirked and crossed his arms, "Who said you were getting a gift from me?"

"Oh come on you old sod, you most definitely bought my Christmas present first,"

"I think I got Lissy's present first. Then Callie's, then Teddy's and let me think," Severus tapped his finger on his chin and Harry rolled his eyes. "Oh yeah, I also got Mirneva something. And Draco, Scorp-"

"Okay, okay I get it," Harry giggled, covering his mouth. Severus looked at him with an unreadable expression. Harry blushed and looked down at the perfectly wrapped gift in his hand.

"Don't worry, I used magic to wrap your gift," Severus said.

Harry smiled grinned a mouth-splitting grin.

***

Christmas with the Potters, Weasleys, and Malfoys was a very overwhelming experience. Severus had never really spent his holidays around big families.

Growing up, his mother would sometimes get him a gift on Christmas day while his family ignored the holiday altogether. After he met lily, he would sometimes spend Christmas with her while they attended Hogwarts. It was never a big extravagant celebration like Harry made it.

Harry's house was decorated on the first day of December. From blow-up Snowmen on his lawn to wreaths and lights in every room inside the house, it truly felt and looked like a winter wonderland.

On Christmas Eve, Harry threw a dinner party at his home with the Weasley clan, Draco and his parents, and Minerva. Dinner was served, everyone mingled and Severus was asked about his life in France. Severus admitted that it was a nice way to spend the holidays.

Severus watched him the entire night. Observed would be the less creepy term. Harry was smiling all through dinner. Every time they made eye contact, Severus gave him a small smile, and Harry blushed before taking a sip of his wine.

Harry looked at home in his hideous, ugly Christmas sweater and reindeer headband decorating his dark curls.

After dinner, they moved to the living room. Everyone found somewhere to sit, engaging in their own private conversations and Severus stood in the doorway and found himself not being able to take his eyes off him as he played with the children. Hugo and teddy chased him around the room while Callie held onto his legs with Scorpius, and Bill's three-year-old daughter, Victoire, on his hip.

"I never thanked you for helping him," A voice startled Severus from where he was watching Harry in the doorway. Draco put a hand on his shoulder and softly squeezed it. "He looks happier -- healthier." 

"No need for that," Severus said.

"No. I wish I could do more than thank you, but I hope this will show how grateful I am," Draco smiled, taking a small box from his pocket and handing it to Severus.

Severus' heart swelled as he took the box from Draco, "Thank you. Your gift is under the tree," Draco nodded and took a sip of the wine in his hand.

"So," Draco said, glancing at Harry who was now lying on the floor while the children climbed on him, giggling something about capturing the monster. "Does he know?"

Severus arched his brow "Know what?"

"That you're in love with him."

He choked on his drink and Draco belted out a laugh, capturing everyone's attention. Harry shot him a weird look and Severus shook his head and Harry resumed his playing with the children.

Severus cleared his throat before shooting Draco a glare. "Don't be absurd Draco. I am not in love with Harry."

"Oh come on Sev, I've known you all my life and you look at him like he hung the moon. I've never seen you look at anyone like that."

Severus could do his best to deny it but what was the use. He already knew that Harry was in love with him and from the way he'd been staring, no, observing, Harry all night, people were sure to notice something was up.

The thing is, Severus hadn't even admitted to himself that he was in love with Harry. It was the most foreign feeling and Severus couldn't pinpoint exactly when it started. He just found himself noticing the smallest things about Harry. From how he takes his tea, to how he signed his name with a crooked X on every letter.

He found himself counting every freckle on Harry's face whenever he was close. He found himself at home in his home and completely in love with the man who confessed his love for Severus just two months before.

"He might as well have hung the moon," Severus found himself saying. 

Draco smiled, "He feels the same way."

"I know."

"Then do something about it."

After Draco left, Severus went upstairs to use the bathroom. He locked the door behind him and splashed water on his face. He stared at himself in the mirror and frowned. Harry was such a beautiful man. Inside and out. He could do better than Severus and he deserved better than Severus.

He wanted harry to know how he felt and he also didn't want to get the man's hopes up because what if he couldn't be what Harry needed?

His thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the bathroom door. Severus finished up and grabbed for a towel to wipe his face when heard Harry's voice through the door.

"Sev? Mind if I come in?"

Severus shook his head before realizing that Harry wasn't able to see him. He unlocked the door with the towel in his hands. His face wasn't dry yet and he couldn't stop looking at Harry.

"I-" He blinked at Harry.

Harry tilted his head and asked, "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

"I want to kiss you," It rushed out before Severus could stop himself.

Harry walked inside the bathroom and closed the door behind him before leaning on it. He stared at Severus and whispered, so low that Severus would've missed it if his eyes weren't fixated on Harry's lips.

"Do it."

Severus dropped the towel and grabbed Harry's face with both hands before slamming his mouth on his. Their lips met and their teeth clashed together. The kiss wasn't perfect but Merlin, Severus swore he felt sparks go through his entire body. From his toes all the way up to the fingertips touching Harry at that exact moment.

Harry let out a sigh and whined as he moved his lips hungrily against Severus'.

"I love you," He said and Severus stopped the kiss. He looked at Harry whose chest was rising and falling, his lips red and swollen and eyes wanting something -- something Severus couldn't give him.

"I'm sorry," Severus said before all but pushed Harry aside so he could open the door.

Severus made his way down the stairs and went back to the living room. He shouldn't have kissed Harry but he also shouldn't have left him up there like that. But he couldn't go back up there.

He forced himself to stay down until Harry joined everyone else announcing it was time for presents. He avoided eye contact with Severus at all cost for the rest of the night.

Severus got rare potion ingredients from Narcissa and a sweater with an S from Molly Weasley. Draco's gift was a silver pocket watch. Harry had already told him that their gift exchange wouldn't happen until the next day, actual Christmas.

By the time everyone left, Severus was knackered and Callie had already passed out. Severus had already agreed to stay the night so he didn't know if the offer still stood after the events of the hours before. He waited for Harry to put Callie to bed and started helping the elf clean up when he heard Harry enter the kitchen.

"She's down?" Severus asked and Harry nodded.

"Can we talk?" Harry asked and added, "In my room?"

Severus nodded and followed the man up to his room. He knew the chances of harry ignoring the evens that transpired earlier was slim but Severus was holding onto those odds. He stepped inside Harry's bedroom and close the door behind him. It was now his chance to lean back against the door as Harry walked towards him, trapping him.

Harry stared at him. Severus was hot under Harry's gaze.

"I don't understand you. I really wish I understood you, Severus."

Severus' breath hitched as he tried to find something to say back to Harry. Harry was so pretty and Severus found his mind going back to what happened earlier that night. He moved from against the door and walked into the room turning his back to Harry.

"I love you," He heard Harry say.

"I'm old enough to be your father," Severus turned to face Harry said the only excuse he could think of at a moment like that which was more of the truth than an excuse. He couldn't. No matter how much he wanted to. 

Harry replied, "My father is dead, Severus."

"So what? Are you looking for a replacement?" Harry looked hurt at that statement and Severus wished he could take it back but he had to stand his ground. He was a man of good morals. At least that's what he constantly told himself so he could sometimes get a goodnight's sleep.

"No, I'm not," Harry replied.

Severus ran a hand through his face and paced around the room, "Then what is this? You're awfully too young to be having a midlife crisis."

"I want you, dammit! I can't want you?"

"I'm not telling you what you can and cannot want. What I am telling you, is that you shouldn't _want_ what you want."

"Why? I'm a grown man Severus, in case you haven't noticed. Why would that be so bad Severus? Why shouldn't I want you?"

Severus sighed and willed himself not to cry. He was a grown man. "Because I'm almost twice your age. Because you can do better. Because I am not a good man." Severus couldn't look Harry in the eye while he continued. "And you want to know why I'm not a good man Harry? Because I am thinking about kissing you again right now when I know it's not the right thing to do."

Severus didn't have time to catch his breath after his little speech. Before he knew it Harry's lips were on his for the second time that day. Severus offered his lips back and let them move slowly against Harry's. Months of denying himself what he knew felt right, what he knew was right and he wasn't about to hold back now.

He cupped both hands behind Harry's head, fingers vining into his soft curls, and kissed him deeply with so much pent up passion. He let his tongue explore Harry's mouth, softly moaning when he feels Harry's cold hands flat against his abdomen underneath his shirt.

This is what he was missing out on. He was an idiotic fool. Damn him and his pride. Damn Harry's lips for being so damn kissable. Damn the universe for making him so weak for the man in front of him.

He pulled back and held Harry's face in his hands, gently kissing his cheeks, his nose, then his forehead.

"You don't get to tell me what's wrong or right when this feels so fucking right," Harry whispered before taking his lips again planting a soft, less intense kiss.

"You shouldn't want this," Severus said.

"Oh, but I do. I want it Sev. I want you."

***

It was Christmas and Harry prayed for a Christmas miracle. He received it both times Severus kissed him that day.

With Severus' lips on his, Harry felt like he was in heaven. Pure incomparable bliss.   
Their lips moved together with the same amount of eagerness. He wanted to explore Severus' mouth with his own. He wanted to know and get acquainted with any and every part of him.

Severus rested his hand on the small of Harry's back as he pulled him impossibly closer. Harry wrapped his arms around Severus' neck, hands reaching up to undo the bun at the top of his head.

The older man moaned against his mouth as he slipped his tongue inside Harry's mouth. He tasted oh so sweet and this was Harry's new favorite thing to do -- kissing Severus.

He tasted of the wine he was drinking earlier and Molly's Christmas cookies. Harry threw his head back and moaned when he felt Severus kiss down his neck, sucking on his sweet spot leaving a mark there no doubt marking him as his own.

At that moment and any after, he belonged to Severus. He wanted Severus to do everything to him, touch him everywhere, make him feel everything.

"Please," Harry begged, not sure exactly for what.

He felt Severus' hand slipping from his back to his arse grabbing a handful as he whispered against Harry's swollen lips.

"What do you want Harry?"

"You. Please," Harry pleaded.

"A little more specific, love," Severus smirked and Harry kissed it right off his face before pushing himself on Severus, rubbing his now hard cock against the man's thigh through his trousers.

They had too many clothes on, Harry thought. Severus suppressed a groan as his eyes opened. They were dark with lust and want, practically black with arousal.

A needy whimper took over Harry's body as Severus all but threw him on the bed before slowly climbing on top of him. "Are you sure?"

Merlin, how could he think Harry wasn't sure. "Severus I'm hard as a rock. Please, fuck me."

"Well, since you asked so nicely," Severus grabbed his wand from his back pocket and in a second their clothes were gone. Harry felt cold and exposed under Severus' stare but that all went away as he found himself trapped underneath the man, their hard cocks pressing together the heat from Severus' body transferring to his.

Severus grabbed his jaw with his left hand, his thumb slipping into Harry's open mouth, "Look at me," He demanded and Harry almost came right then and there. "You're so gorgeous," He bit Harry's lip.

Harry choked on a moan, "So are you."

Severus stared at Harry, his expression unreadable and out of nowhere he bucked his hips against Harry's, and Harry all but screamed.

"Fuck -- please, silencing charm," Harry couldn't speak in complete sentences. Severus wandlessly charmed the room before attacking Harry's neck, with his teeth while squeezing it slightly with one hand. The other hand crept down Harry's chest to his hips and finally his cock. He didn't move his hand, only teasing his finger at the tip. 

"Please Severus, I'm gonna come — please," He begged. He didn't mind begging because he wanted Severus more than he's ever wanted anyone in his entire life.

Severus squeezed the hand around his throat tighter and Harry spluttered. "Patience is virtue Harry," He whispered hotly against Harry's neck. "I'm gonna fuck you so good,"

He worshiped Harry's body in kisses, making sure to suck and bite and leave his marks all over Harry's chest, torso, hips, and thighs. He moved back up and lapped his tongue around Harry's nipple ever so delicately. Harry arched his back off the bed and threw his head back in ecstasy.

"So good," Harry panted.

Severus hummed around the pink nub and twisted the other one between his thumb and pointer finger and Harry's cock twitched against his stomach.

"Oh please," Harry almost cringed at how wrecked he already sounded he felt Severus' hand grab his cock before moving his hand up and down in quick, thorough motions. Harry squirmed and moaned and begged and begged.

He heard Severus say something about lube and Harry wandlessly summoned some dropping it on the bed.

Severus finally let go of his neck and sat on his heel. His hard prick bobbing between his legs and holy fuck was he sexy. Harry watched him open the cap, pouring some on his fingers. He settled himself between Harry, spreading his legs impossibly wider. Harry felt exposed but in such a good way. Only Severus will ever get to see him like this from this point on. He felt giddy inside.

"You're so beautiful," He heard Severus' breath hitch as he looked down at harry. Harry covered his face with arms in embarrassment, hiding his blush. "Let me see you."

Harry stared at him, eyes wide, pupils blown as he laid in the bed like a meal for Severus' taking. Severus looked so beautiful towering over harry. His chest was hairless and toned and scarred. The dark mark on his arm looked like it was fading, barely noticeable. Every scar told a story and Harry wanted to sit him down and make him tell all of them.

Harry caught a glimpse of his hard cock against his stomach and his mouth watered at the sight wanting it inside his mouth down his throat instantly.

Severus smirked as he looked down at his own hard cock standing up against his belly, already leaking at the tip. He grabbed it at the base and tugged on it never breaking eye contact with Harry.

Harry gulped and propped himself on his elbow. Severus' cock was so long and so pretty, "I want it in my mouth," He found himself saying.

Severus chuckled and shook his head, reaching down to capture Harry's lips in a kiss that was more tongue than lips. "Another time. I'd rather be inside you." He whispered against Harry's mouth.

Harry whined even louder as he pulled back. He coated his fingers with lube and grabbed one of Harry's legs pushing it aside. He teased Harry's rim and Harry gasped at the cold sensation.

He slowly slid his index finger inside. "Let me know if it hurts."

Harry nodded and threw his head back. It didn't hurt but he had to adjust. He told Severus to move after a while. Severus himself groaned as he eased his fingers in and out of Harry slowly. He added another finger and Harry cried out in pleasure.

He hadn't been in a relationship since whatever he had with Ginny but he'd had one night stands before. He'd been to muggle bars and clubs and picked up both men and women but nothing had ever been like what he was experiencing at that moment.

"Sev fuck, feels so good," Harry moaned. "Need your cock inside me please."

"Are you sure you're ready?"

"Yes — fuck Sev now please!" Harry threw his head back and spread himself wider for Severus. He wanted Severus to make him his. He wanted to feel him inside him. Severus grabbed his cock and coated it in lube before lining it with Harry's ready and puckered hole. Severus teased his entrance and rubbed his cock on it, groaning as Harry panted. 

Harry couldn't breathe. He felt hot. Severus was so hot and the thought of him actually being inside him made his skin burn with desire.

He took Severus inside him in one go and lost all the air inside his lungs.

His eyes stung as tears began to form in his eyes while Severus whispered sweet nothings to him. Severus leaned down to kiss his closed eyes lids, his nose, then his mouth. Harry got lost in the kiss as he wrapped his arms around Severus' neck and his legs around his waist. He didn't even realize when the man started moving, stretching Harry's hole in the most delicious and familiar burn.

"Harry," He groaned as Harry clenched around his cock.

"You're so tight," Severus groaned. "Fuck, you feel so good," Harry never thought he'd see the day he would hear Severus Snape curse but then he never thought he'd say the day where Severus Snape's cock was buried deep inside him. 

Harry found himself giggling at his own thought.

"Are you giggling during sex?" Severus' thrusts were slow and steady as he gave Harry time to adjust.

"You keep saying _fuck,_ " Harry said.

Severus shook his head and smiled, "Well I am fucking you aren't I?" He smirked as he slipped out all the way before thrusting his cock deep inside Harry in one swift movement.

Harry pushed his fingers into Severus' hair as it fell on both their faces and screamed. He felt so full and so good. He looked up and saw Severus' mouth wide open and licked his chin before biting his lip

"Yeah just like that," Harry whined against his lips, "Fuck me harder, old man."

Severus laughed as he raised Harry's leg up higher, pushing in harder until the tip of his cock reached the one spot Harry was waiting for. Harry felt his whole body explode as Severus hit his prostate over and over again.

"Is that what you wanted?" He grabbed Harry's hips forcefully holding him in place. There was no doubt going to leave marks and Harry loved it so fucking much.

"Oh yes!" Harry moaned.

Severus' eyes were so dark with arousal and Harry was so fucking hard his prick hurt. He was leaking precum and he wanted to touch himself so bad but he wanted to come undone.

"Want to come just from your cock," Severus fucked him harder with everything in him, hitting Harry's prostate with each delicious thrust. If there was a heaven, this was it, Harry was convinced.

His body went pliant as he came. White spurts of come hitting Severus in the face, covering his mouth and Harry's stomach. Harry screamed as his cock emptied. Severus kept abusing his prostate with each thrust until Harry felt the thick cock empty itself inside of him.

Severus rode out his orgasm until Harry sobbed from over sensitivity. Harry opened his eyes and saw Severus lick his come off his lips, by far the hottest sight Harry had ever witnessed. He took a mental picture, never wanting to forget Severus' face post-orgasm.

He pulled out of Harry and Harry felt cum leaking out of him. Before he could catch his breath, Severus' tongue lapped at his hole like a parched dog.

"Fuck!" Harry cried. He was so sensitive but it felt so fucking good. Severus licked and sucked at his hole. He felt him slip one finger inside and Harry couldn't take it and he came once again begging for Severus to fuck him.

"Greedy are we?" Severus chuckled and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand before moving up to Harry's level.

Harry nodded not caring how needy he seemed but he needed to come a third time from Severus' cock.

"Please I need you in me again."

He didn't make Harry beg a second time. Severus obeyed and his semi-hard cock slipped inside harry with no problem due to the come already inside him.

"Such a slut for me huh? Such a slut for my cock," Severus asked, grabbing Harry's hips as he fucked him. Harry didn't know what planet he was on at this point but he never wanted to leave. 

"Yes," Harry managed to choke out. Severus fucked like a man who knew what he was doing, something Harry had never experienced with another partner. He fucked hard and he fucked like he meant it. His fingers dug into Harry's hips as he rammed himself into Harry's sensitive hole and abused his prostate over and over again, each thrust deeper, rougher than the last. 

Harry knew he would be bruised all over the next day and he relished in the thought.

Harry cried as he came for a third time that night. He felt Severus' hot cum flood his insides and let out a sob. He was on cloud nine.

He was so tired he missed when Severus slipped out of him and cast a cleaning charm over them. He closed his eyes and smiled when he felt himself being pulled into Severus' arms.

"You did so good love," Severus whispered in his hair. "So good for me. Go to sleep, I'll be right here when you wake up."

Harry felt Severus pulled back the duvet and tucked them inside. He couldn't open his eyes but he couldn't stop smiling. He felt Severus kiss his hair multiple times while running his thumb ran circles on Harry's back.

Harry let out a happy sigh and let sleep overtake him but not before mumbling, "I love you" to Severus.

***

Severus woke up on Christmas morning with Harry in his arms. He smiled thinking about the events the night prior and pulled Harry closer. He looked like an angel when he slept. His hair looked like a bird's nest, his lips slightly parted, letting out small huffs and the occasional quiet snore.

Severus was in love with him.

Harry's eyes fluttered open. he smiled when he saw Severus in bed with him and leaned forward to kiss the man's nose.

Severus chucked "How long have you been wanting to do that?"

"Since forever," Harry smiled snuggling in closer to Severus. Severus pulled him on his chest and wrapped his arms around him. "Thank you for last night."

"Don't thank me for sex, Potter. It's extremely distasteful,"

"We're back to Potter now?" Harry smirked looking up at him. "That's not what you were calling me last night. Slut, was it?"

Severus rolled his eyes, trying not to blush thinking about how carried away he got last night.

"Don't worry, I quite liked it," Harry said, kissing Severus' bare chest. "Being your slut, I mean," He whispered before taking Severus' nipple into his mouth, sucking on it gently. "You were so sexy last night. I've never experienced anything like that."

Severus' breath hitched, "Glad to know my performance met your standards."

Harry chuckled around his nipple hand traveling down Severus' torso to his semi-hard cock, "Oh you more than met them. If sex with you is always like that, might keep you around,"

"Don't start something you can't finish Harry."

"What time is it?" Harry asked and Severus cast a quick Tempus spell.

"It's six. Your spawn is bound to be up soon,"

Harry groaned and pouted cutely. Severus leaned down to kiss the pout off his lips, "We have tonight babe, and the night after that, and the night after that," Severus whispered against his lips, morning breath be dammed.

He felt Harry smile into the kiss. "I love you," He said.

"I love you," Severus said back and watched Harry's eyes widen. Severus felt lighter saying it and the look on Harry's face was worth facing any and every fear.

They spent about ten more minutes in bed together sharing lazy kisses and soft touches before they heard the patter of feet down the stairs and screams that it was Christmas and that father Christmas came. They got dressed and made their way downstairs. Lissy made hot chocolate and joined the three in the living room to open presents.

"Here you go Sev," Harry handed harry a box and Severus found himself wondering what Harry could've gotten him.

He opened the box and found a stack of letters, each addressed to Severus. The letters that Harry never sent. He was giving them to Severus.

"Harry—" Severus stuttered.

"They're yours," The man smiled at Severus. "Please take them."

Severus didn't know what to say. He was so grateful. He would be lying if he said he never wondered what exactly was in the letters. He never once asked Harry because he felt as if it wasn't his place and here Harry was giving him the privilege of reading them.

"I love you," Severus said.

Harry smiled before leaving forward to capture Severus' lips in a short sweet kiss. "And I love you, you oaf. Happy Christmas," Harry smiled his harry potter smile and fixed his crooked glasses.

Severus felt another kiss on his cheek as small arms were wrapped around his neck.

"Happy Christmas, Sevvy," Callie said. "Thank you," she whispered against Severus' neck.

Severus choked up and hugged her back. He should be thanking her. He should spend his entire life thanking her for bringing him into their lives and giving him the family he always wanted.


	5. The Letters

_May 5, 1998  
_

_Dear Professor Snape,_

_I just woke up. I just woke up and the first thing I asked was if you were alive. They told me you're here at St Mungo's but I can't see you so I'm writing this letter and hopefully you'll get it if you're up also._

_I'm so glad you're not dead._

_Harry Potter_

*

_June 4, 1998_

_Dear Professor Snape,_

_I wrote to you a few days after the war but I never sent the letter. I don't know why I never sent it. Just the formalities, me being glad you're alive and all that._

_It's been over a month since the battle. How are you? That's the question everyone's been asking me and I don't know what to say. On the rare occasions I see anyone, it's the Weasleys. They're grieving and so am I guess but I don't know how exactly._

_The war seems like some far-out dream or something I made up in my mind. I keep praying and hoping everything will get back to normal, or whatever normal was for me, but I'm screaming into the abyss._

_Harry Potter_

*

_June 9, 1998_

_Dear Snape,_

_I haven't left Grimmauld Place in a month now. The last time I left was for Fred's funeral. I want to, I really want to but I physically can't. I can barely get out of bed to make it to the loo. I'm a mess. If only they could see The Chosen One at it's worst. God, I really hate being called that._

_I can't seem to send any of the letters I've written to you. Would you write back if I did? What would you say? Do you still hate me? Did you really hate me because you hated my father or was I that insufferable? I want answers to so so many questions. But I'm too afraid to ask said questions._

_I'm not a savior, I'm not brave. I'm actually quite a coward snape. You're a million times the man I could ever be. I truly admire you._

_Harry Potter_

*

_June 12, 1998_

_Dear Snape,_

_I can't stop watching your memories in the Pensieve at Grimmauld Place. Some make me cry but not all are unpleasant. Not your memories of me. I've spent so much time watching them. First, it was to see my mother but every time I watch them I learn something new about you._

_I see you, Snape. For the first time, I truly do._

_Harry Potter_

*

_June 17, 1998_

_Dear Snape,_

_I had to cast a spell to see what day today was. I have your memories still by the way. I don't know if I should return them or if you even want them back. I'm sorry I was so wrong about you. I'm sorry I never trusted you. I'm sorry you risked your life for me when it wasn't worth it._

_Harry Potter_

*

_June 22, 1998_

_Dear Snape,_

_I'm sorry for what Dumbledore did to you, to both of us. I really trusted and looked up to the man. Now all I feel is disgust and hurt._

_I'm sorry for what your father did to you. I'm sorry for what my father did to you and I'm even more sorry for what my mother did to you._

_I don't know if you've ever received an apology from either of them so I'm apologizing on their behalf._

_Harry Potter_

*

_July 2, 1998_

_Dear Snape,_

_My earliest memory is from when I was three years old, I think. I was sitting in the Dursleys' living room playing with my cousin Dudley, and he hit me in the face making me tumble backward. I sat on the floor crying for what seemed like and probably was hours, ignored, hurt -- less at the fall but more at the fact that I knew no one would come to pick me up._

_It's been two months now. I'm still at Grimmauld Place. Are you back home? Hermione and Ron came to visit the other day. Ron is still recovering and Hermione is helping. I could see the pity in their eyes when they saw me. I don't blame them though I am a sight for sore eyes._

_Mione cleaned my room and went grocery shopping. Ron tried to get me to play chess with him but I could barely focus. I felt guilty because he was the one who lost a brother, I didn't. I feel like I have no reason to feel the way I do but I can't help it._

_How do I move on? Have you moved on? My entire childhood is gone. When did I get so bloody old? Merlin, I turn 18 this month and it seems like time completely slipped out of my hands. I don't know what to do Snape._

_I want to send you this letter, but I probably won't._

_Help me, please._

_Harry Potter_

*

_July 9, 1998_

_Dear Snape,_

_I think I'm in love with you. Or your memories. Maybe it's the lack of sleep or oxygen from being cooped up in my room for months but I think I identify with you and I love you._

_I can't stop thinking about you. I can't sleep and I can't eat. I can't do anything but watch your memories, cry, and wish you were here with me._

_I know it sounds bad but Merlin, you're amazing. Maybe it's this version of you that I created in my head. I can't explain it. I've never been in love before so this feeling and I aren't acquainted but Snape, I wish you were here with me._

_My only wish is for you to come knocking on my door out of nowhere and take me away from this house, from everyone, and my own thoughts._

_Maybe I am going crazy. Nothing feels real. Time isn't real, and at this point, I'm not even sure if_ I'm _real._

_Harry Potter_

*

_July 18, 1998_

_Dear Snape,_

_I have a kid now? That sounds so bloody weird to say out loud. Merlin, I'm gonna screw this kid up._

_Yes, I have a kid. She's a girl and her name is Calliope. And before you think it, no I didn't use my status as saviour of the Wizarding World to lure a poor girl into bed. I barely leave my bed. But in the past week I haven't written, a baby was just left on my doorstep with a note for me to take her._

_What the fuck, was my first thought. It had to be someone who knew that's where I lived. When I found her she was so small, Snape. So tiny and vulnerable with her whole life ahead of her as an orphan._

_I called Hermione who called the Aurors and after being examined she was released into my care. They're still looking for her parents but no luck so far._

_I honestly don't know why I agreed to take her in when I can barely get out of bed in the morning but maybe all I needed was a_ reason _to get out of bed. Her piercing screams in the middle of the night are definitely a reason to leave my bed now._

_Harry Potter_

*

_July 31, 1998_

_Dear Snape,_

_I'm 18 today. Callie, that's Calliope, she spent the entire day sleeping and I think that was her birthday present to me. There's still no luck in finding her parents so I guess she's stuck with me for now._

_Hermione bought me a bunch of diapers and baby clothes as a birthday present and I'm thankful. I still rarely leave Grimmauld Place but I do take Callie on walks in the garden._

_She's a very quiet baby. I wonder if I was ever like that._

_You would probably call me mental for what I'm doing but it feels right. I know what it feels like to be an orphan. I don't want her to go through what I went through. No one deserves to go through what I went through._

_I think you would like her. Even though you would probably (most likely) call her a brat._

_Harry Potter_

*

_August 3, 1998_

_Dear Snape,_

_Will you go back to Hogwarts? I'm not going back. In fact, I've been thinking about leaving the Wizarding London altogether. Find somewhere in muggle, somewhere in Manchester. I hear it's nice over there nice place to raise a kid._

_How are you? Did you have any major scars from the battle? That was a rather nasty snake bite, I hope the scar isn't big. Are you having any nightmares? Mine just started because I just started sleeping._

_The irony of it, I sleep better now that I have a kid. I thought it was supposed to be the other way around._

_I hope you're okay, Professor. You deserve to be._

_Harry Potter_

_*_

_August 21, 1998_

_Dear Snape,_

_I heard from Hermione who heard from McGonagall that you're in France. That's rather exciting. Why France? Do you have family over there by any chance? I'd love to visit France one day, and maybe Italy._

_I was really happy to hear that you are in fact still alive. I hope you thrive in France._

_Meanwhile, I'm up to my knees in dirty nappies. How is it possible for such a tiny human to produce so many bodily fluids?_

_Oh to be you, Severus Snape._

_Harry Potter_

_*_

_August 25, 1998_

_Dear Snape,_

_They still can't find Callies parents. They've asked me if I wanted to officially adopt her. Why in Merlin's name would they trust an 18-year-old with a kid?_

_Am I ready to officially have a child? I always wanted a big family but I always thought I would be at least in my mid-twenties, and married._

_I don't know what to tell the Aurors and I have until tomorrow to decide. If I say no she will go into an orphanage until she's adopted._ If _she's adopted._

_I don't know what to do Snape. I wish you could tell me._

_Whatever you told me, I would do it._

_Harry Potter_

_*_

_August 27, 1998_

_Dear Snape_

_I told them I'd keep her._

_Harry Potter_

_*_

_September 1, 1998_

_Dear Snape,_

_It's happening again. I haven't felt like this in weeks but it's back. I can't breathe and I can't see anything. I cant see Callie and she's usually so bright and there. She's always there but I can't see her._

_Mione said I should see a mind healer but I'd rather fight the dark lord again than let someone poke around my head._

_Why can't I ever be fucking normal? I just want to be normal._

_And happy. Please._

_Harry Potter_

*

_September 18, 1998_

_Dear Snape,_

_Callie is teething and no one ever sleeps in our house. At first, I didn't quite know what was bothering her so I called Hermione and Ginny to help out. I thought I was just a bad father but Ginny told me that she was teething and I laughed._

_I laughed so hard because holy fuck I'm in way over my head here Snape. I cant take care of another human being._

_When her gums start to hurt I'm supposed to massage them, and every time I go near them she starts wailing. It hurts her but I can't stop. I have to massage them or they will hurt more but she doesn't understand that and I don't know how to explain to her that it needs to hurt to get better._

_I sing her to sleep sometimes. My voice is awful but I think she likes it. She really likes the Beatles._

_Harry Potter_

*

_October 23, 1998_

_Dear Snape,_

_I'm moving today. George is helping me move. I have a bunch of letters addressed to you and he saw them today and asked me about them. I didn't know what to say. I don't know why I keep writing to you honestly. But it feels almost therapeutic. I always imagine you actually getting these letters and smiling and writing back to me._

_Sometimes I even wait near a window for your owl but nothing shows up and I remember that I never actually send them._

_Jesus, Snape I'm a fucking mess. I'm not getting any sleep. Between the nightmares and Callie's screams, I barely get two hours a day. Andromeda has been helping me. She basically lives with me now. She helps out with Callie and I spend time with Teddy -- that's my godson, Lupin's son. She's a godsend._

_I went with Manchester by the way. It's a nice muggle town and if I need the wizarding world I could always apparate or use the floo._

_The home isn't anything special, just a four-bedroom two-story home. I still can't believe I'm going to have a home. I love Grimmauld Place because it was Sirius' but that's all it was ever going to me. Not mine but my Godfather's. I won't sell it though, I think Andromeda still wants it in the family._

_I wish I could invite you for tea once we're all settled in._

_Would you accept my invitation?_

_Harry Potter_

*

_October 26, 1998_

_Dear Snape,_

_I'm all moved in. Andromeda is staying in one of the rooms and Teddy is sharing a room with Callie until they're old enough to sleep in their separate rooms. She's staying for a few months to help me and I couldn't be more thankful._

_Callie doesn't have a birthday but when I got her, it was estimated that she was around two months old. So we went with April 26. So she would be six months old today. She looks like she's six months old, just like Teddy. They're both teething so Andromeda and I aren't getting any sleep._

_No one ever sleeps in our house. And I am so tired. So. Tired._

_Harry Potter_

*

_October 28, 1998_

_Dear Snape,_

_The thing about life is that you're always in this big vast ocean. You're right there in the middle of it but you can't swim. You don't know how or why you're there but you can't swim no matter how hard you try._

_And you start to wonder if someone was supposed to teach you and if so then who?_

_Was it your parents, friends, or strangers passing through the water?_

_For brief moments in that ocean, you think, "Maybe I do know how to swim, maybe I suppressed some kind of memory because I had to get here somehow. People don't just magically appear in the middle of the ocean."_

_So, you try to swim. You try with everything in you but you fail and you drown anyway._

_You fight like hell to survive but you always end up dead no matter what. It's just a matter of when._

_Harry Potter_

*

_October 31, 1998_

_Dear Snape,_

_Of all days in the year, today is my least favorite day. I tried to get out of bed today but it's like my feet were anchored down to the floor. Andromeda was with Callie and Teddy all day. She let me stay in because she knew._

_I wish she didn't know. I wish no one knew because if there's one thing I hate, it's pity._

_Andy brought me tea in bed, Teddy and Callie in a sunflower onesie. I love them, Snape. They are the only reason why I leave my bed every morning. I didn't think it was possible to ever feel that type of love for another person. Is this what my parents felt? I sure hope so._

_Happy Halloween. Hope you had a better day than I did._

_Harry Potter_

_*_

_December 3, 1998_

_Dear Snape,_

_It's been a while. How's France? Are you eating a lot of cheese? All I know about France is the stereotype that they eat a lot of what's it called? Fromage? I hope I spelled that right. I'd give anything to see you read this letter and critique my french right now._

_I'm doing better. Andy is very patient with me but she's still begging me to see a mind healer. She's seeing one and she says it's helping but I still couldn't._

_Callie and Teddy are still always growing, crying, and giggling. I wish you could meet them. They're the brightest two stars in my very dark pitiful world._

_Harry Potter_

*

_December 25, 1998_

_Merry Christmas Snape._

_Ron, Ginny, and Hermione spent the day with me today. It was nice seeing them again. We're drifting apart if I'm being honest. They're both back in school while I'm basically raising two children._

_I love them endlessly though I really hope they stay in my life for a long time. I can't afford to lose any more people. I can't._

_I feel like I lost you before I could even get to know you._

_Take care of yourself, Snape. Please._

_Harry Potter_

*

_April 26, 1999_

_Dear Snape,_

_Callie turns one today. You should've seen her in this strawberry dress Andy got her. She's a proper little princess that girl. We had a joint birthday party for her and Teddy. I doubt they knew what was happening but they looked so happy. I would do anything for them to always smile like that._

_Andy moved back to her house but we spend the weekends together so the kids can still see each other. Teddy even has his own room at my house. Molly has been helping a lot too, she considers Callie her first granddaughter and it fills my heart with joy that she has so many people who care for her._

_I want to give her everything I lacked growing up. I hope I'm a good dad. I think you would be a great dad Snape. Why did you never have any kids? Did you ever want any? It's a right joy, parenthood. It's the only thing that gives me purpose._

_I hope France is treating you okay snape. Eat some Fromage for the two of us._

Harry Potter

*

_May 2, 1999_

_Dear Snape,_

_A year ago today I didn't even think I'd live to see another day. My heart sank to the bottom of my heart when I thought you had died. I had no idea I would lose so many people dear to me._

_But I'm still alive and I have to keep going. For Callie and Teddy, for Remus and Tonks, for Sirius, for Fred, for everyone I lost that day._

_Every day is a battle more severe than fighting Voldemort. I can't give up. I don't think I want to give up anymore._

_Harry Potter_

*

_July 30, 1999_

_Dear Snape,_

_Callie said her first word today._ Dada _. I thought I was imagining it so I floo called Hermione to make sure I wasn't hearing things and she said it again._

_I was over the moon, Snape. I've never felt anything like this before. What was it? Love? Pride? Both? I'm bursting with joy._

_Happy early birthday to me indeed._

_Harry Potter_

*

_August 19, 1999_

_Dear Snape_

_Mione said I have PTSD, depression, and anxiety. Basically saying I have every mental illness in the book. I get by though so I don't see the problem._

_I'm willing myself to get better because I'm all Callie has. It's hard but I'm trying. I'm trying with everything in me Snape. I just hope it's enough._

_Harry Potter_

_*_

_September 7, 1999_

_Dear Snape,_

_I think I'm going to stop the letters now._

_Thank you for saving my life. Thank you for risking your life for mine. You're my hero, Severus Snape. I hope to see you in person again one day so I can properly thank you._

_I'll think of you every time I eat Fromage._

_Yours_ ,

_Harry Potter_


	6. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter. 
> 
> I mostly wrote this short epilogue for closure. This is 5 years after the last chapter, Callie and Teddy are at Hogwarts and of course, Severus and Harry are still together and it's hinted that they have a second child together.
> 
> Writing this story made me so happy I really hope you like it.

  
_September 4, 2009_

_Dear Dads,_

_Teddy and I got sorted into Ravenclaw, both of you were wrong._

_I miss you guys so much already even though it's only been a few days. Teddy is currently next to me in the common room writing his letter to Grandma Andy. He already wrote his for you guys and we'll send them together using his owl. I'm so happy we got sorted in the same house._

_Hogwarts is even bigger than you two described. Grandma Minnie told me I had to call her Headmistress McGonagall at school but I could still come to her office anytime I wanted._

_My roommates don't know what a record player is. Can you believe that? They didn't even know the Beatles! How do you survive without the Beatles? I showed them how to work it and we spent the whole day yesterday listening to my records._

_I haven't made any good friends yet because everyone wants to be friends with me because my Dads are Severus Snape and Harry Potter. I don't like it. I'm okay being friends with only Teddy, to be honest. But I met this girl the other day, Sadie, and she was nice. She doesn't know who you guys are because she's a muggle-born so I know she's friends with me because of me and not you guys._

_The Ravenclaw common room is so pretty. I want to redecorate my room all blue when I get back home. Get everything ready for me, please._

_I might go out for quidditch next year. Teddy doesn't want to but he says I should._

_I love Hogwarts so much but I miss you guys more and more each day. Grandma Minnie also said that you guys can use the floo in her office on weekends so I can see Rhea. Please do! I'm sure she misses her big sister._

_I love you guys terribly. Teddy and I can't wait to see you guys._

_Your amazing and loving daughter,_

_Calliope Potter-Snape_


End file.
